Tomorrow, I am going to drive my littlest boy off and abandon him to play amongst strangers. 

At least that’s the way it feels. 

Another way to say it is that I will be dropping my 3-year-old son off at pre-k where, deep down, I know he’ll have the time of his life.

Until recently, having never done daycare, never had a babysitter and not a family member insight to help us out, I’ve naively been looking forward to finally having reached that point in my life where both my kids are in some form of school and I can have some time to focus.

Some time to finally find me; to remember who I was before kids, to work on my business, to... well, the list of to’s is quite endless really.

BUT...

Liam has always been fiercely independent and I just know that when his little hand, the tiny hand that for the last 3 years has always provided companionship and a sense of purpose... when that hand slips through my fingers as he confidently runs off without a second glance, I know I’ll be overcome with mixed emotions.

Now that it's right on my doorstep, the mere thought of spending my mornings without him conjures an uncomfortable lump in my throat and quick, hot tears uncontrollably fill my eyes.

At the same time, I know he will absolutely thrive in that environment. He’s an incredibly social kid. 

He’s got a fire burning inside him, fuelled by new adventures and the opportunity to learn.

I'd be lying if I didn’t say that there is a part of me that selfishly hopes he’ll look up at me with uncharacteristic uncertainty and hesitation when it comes time for us to part ways. 

My baby boy... you can be sure that regardless of which way it goes I’ll be right here..

Right here painfully watching every second tick past; wishing the time away; most likely being hopelessly unproductive... just waiting for the moment I can embrace your warm little body in my safe and loving arms once more.

While I'm being completely transparent, I'll also take a moment to fully acknowledge the fact that I am aware that all these feelings are actually more about me than they are about him... but I'll just post this as is and continue on in my little denial bubble a little while longer!

Also, pre-k is only 3hrs twice a week... but none of you are judging me on the drama of all of this for 6hrs right????? 🤣🤣🤣